Coquette: “Opening tomorrow: HOT. BUFFET. OMG.”

15 10 2008

It’s finally here! My thoughts on the subject to follow later…probably after the run is through. But for now, have the full official blurb. And come to the show, if you know what’s good for you. T’will be excellent.

Big Moves presents:
(a dystopian musical satire)

October 16-18* and 24-25, 2008
Doors 7:30 PM | Curtain 8:00 PM
Cambridge Family YMCA Theater
820 Mass Ave., Cambridge
General admission: $15/adv., $20/door
VIP seating: $20/adv., $25/door (if available)
Student rush: $10 (15 min. before curtain, w/student ID)
Limited dinner/dessert tasting menu available

Buy advance tickets and tasting packages online at

{ When self-denial is the law of the land,
the pursuit of pleasure will be a crime… }

After studying culinary arts for 7 years in Europe, Andrea returns to a United States she barely recognizes. By 2028, dieting is practically a religion, sexuality is stuffed tightly away, and the state has no qualms about interfering in either. Andrea’s friend Chrissy has a unique role in this brave new world: she’s a dancer and professional eater at Hot Buffet, one of the few establishments in the city where patrons can indulge just about any carnal appetite. Andrea gets work in the kitchen, and Chrissy is making money hand over chocolate-smeared fist.

Meanwhile, the Boss and her lover, the Emcee, do their best to keep the joint jumping, the marks fed, and their little bohemian family safe from the chaos and uncertainty in the outside world. But as society’s disdain for the pleasures of the flesh boils over into outright persecution, the tattered velvet ropes at the Hot Buffet may not be enough to keep the mobs at bay.

With ensemble dancers of all shapes and sizes and a passionate cast drawn from the best of Boston’s community theater scene, Hot Buffet delivers a searing indictment of a Big Brother future we can’t ignore and may not be able to escape.

NOTE: this show is for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY, owing to adult themes and partial nudity.

deluxe mac ‘n’ cheese
finger-lickin’ spare ribs
backdoor fudge delight
coffee (with rich cream)
full-calorie sodas
Additional charge for having items eaten in front of you by one of our dancers.

*Thursday, October 16, is pay-what-you-can night! (suggested donation: $10)

Nellie: “Love Your Body Reception Tonight!!”

7 10 2008

That’s right, folks, it’s time for another Big Moves Boston public appearance!

We’ll be performing tonight at the reception to kick off Love Your Body month in Cambridge at the Central Square Library. The show, which is in the Lewis Room, starts at 7 pm and is free and open to the public.

The show, co-hosted by Big Moves Boston and Greater Boston National Organization for Women (NOW) will feature a selection from our upcoming musical Hot Buffet, as well as belly dancing by Big Moves’ own Caravan of Curves. Also performing is the fantastic Johnny Blazes, and there will be excerpts from this upcoming weekend’s The Femme Show.

Trust us, you don’t want to miss it.

Love Your Body is a mixed-media exhibit of art, propaganda, and the naked truth about how loving your body – whatever your size, shape, color, or ability – can change the world you live in. Inspired by the NOW’s Love Your Body Day (October 15), Love Your Body is curated/produced by Big Moves, with additional materials from the NOW Foundation.

Nellie: “TraniWrecktastic”

5 10 2008

Thank you to everyone who came out for TraniWreck: The Benefit Extravaganza on Saturday!

Asses were shaked. The Time Warp was done with the fantastic Kielbasia. Honey Suckle turned up the heat with an amazing burlesque performance. Johnny Blazes and Frieda Fries worked the stage – and the crowd – like nobody’s business.

Can Can Revolution made us look at the democratic process in an entirely new, ridiculous, and sexy way. Maggie of the Femme Show danced everyone under the table, and Mel O’Drama has now changed our view of Sesame Street forever. Heywood Wakefield was, as always, an excellent host – and also, pelted with candy.

Oh, and one of Big Moves’ own ladies (*cough*me*cough*)made out with the fabulous Becca D’Bus on stage.

In other words, it was a smashing good time**.

We all had such a blast performing with such talented and amazing people, and we wish Heywood Wakefield, Johnny Blazes, and Red Rider the best of luck at IDKE in Columbus!

**If I forgot anyone, I’m truly sorry. There was so much fabulous floating around, I got a little overwhelmed.

Coquette: “Who Else Hasn’t Sarah Palin Met Before?”

3 10 2008

OMG, do you see now that I was not joking when I said that I cannot shut up about Sarah Palin? I thought I was done! I thought I’d let the venom out for the day.

I was totally wrong.

So, something happened last night when the debate started. I watch on CNN, because CNN has crazy-making analyst insta-responses, and some sort of arbitrary group of voters sequestered somewhere giving insta-impressions of how well they like what each candidate is saying, all plotted out in moving line graphs with pluses and minuses and color-coding…it’s an orgy of useless data analysis, and it’s exactly the kind of thing I like watching. (No, I do not have any of the iPhone apps to monitor the national polls. Because I have a job and someone would notice. But don’t think I haven’t thought about it.)

Anyway! Watching on CNN, everyone’s got their little pie-chart plus/minus thingjobs, all clear and ready to start giving points once the VP candidates open their mouths. Except then…Palin walked out on stage, and two of the analysts gave her a +1. The woman walked without falling down, and she got a positive response. I knew expectations for her were low, but DANG!

So I’m sitting there, stunned into silence (a rarity, I promise you), and then Palin actually did manage to open her mouth. And she said, to Senator Joseph Biden, “Hi, nice to meet you, can I call you Joe?” This bothered me for some reason, but it wasn’t until I was walking back from lunch today that it sunk in.

Sarah Palin had never met Joe Biden before. Sarah Palin had never, ever met Joe Biden.

Fun facts about Joe Biden, in case you weren’t aware: he’s the senior US Senator from Delaware. He’s been doing it for a while. Over 30 years, in fact. Since 1972! And she hadn’t met him until the 33 days before the election.

People can and sometimes do complain about Barak Obama and his supposed “lack of experience.” But that “lack” translates into teaching constitutional law for over a decade, followed by seven years as a state senator and leading into his term now as a US Senator. And I feel pretty certain that, before this election, everyone else involved on both sides had met the entirety of the US Senate.

Then in twinkles Sarah “Pew! Pew! Pew! [adorable]” Palin, whose political experience thus far breaks down as:

– Wasilla (pop. <10,000) city council, 4 years
– Wasilla mayor, 6 years
– Alaska (pop. <700,000) governor, 1.5 years

This is supposed to qualify her to meet with world leaders, represent the United States abroad, and lead the nation should the President be unable to perform his duties. Wasilla is classified as a “small town”, and the entire state of Alaska has fewer people than Ft. Worth, Texas.

And she’d never met one of the most senior senators in the US Senate until last night. But hey! She can walk across a stage! Success.

Nellie: “Big Moves at TraniWreck on Saturday!!”

3 10 2008

We’re ramping up our public appearances in preparation for our fall show, the wildly dystopian, not to mention ridiculously sexy, Hot Buffet! We’ll be shaking our asses…in very little clothing…all over Boston in the coming weeks, singing and dancing for you lovely people. And we want to see your glowing, angelic faces there!

Our first public appearance will be at TraniWreck’s Benefit Extravaganza – THIS SATURDAY (yes, tomorrow) at Great Scott in Allston. This is a 21+ show (it’s at a bar, folks), and it starts at 9pm. Please note that this a different location than other TraniWreck performances – so don’t go to the wrong place!

Tickets are $10, with proceeds going to cover travel expenses for TraniWreck host Heywood Wakefield and regulars Johnny Blazes and Red Rider as they make a trek to Columbus, OH for the International Drag King Community Extravaganza, where Heywood will MC the Red Light District Show.

See you there!

Coquette: “Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin”

3 10 2008

I discovered something this morning, to the great pleasure of the ladies in the gym locker room with me, I’m sure: I cannot stop talking about Sarah Palin.  Perhaps I should have realized it sooner; after all, when my boyfriend comes home, he usually asks, “what did that woman do or say today?”  And then I tell him, usually while flailing around the kitchen.

I think the reason I can’t manage to steer away from her is because she, like Julia Allison to some, never stops doing horrible things.  Every time I think, “Oh, I know the worst thing about Sarah Palin,” a new day dawns and lo, there is another story that makes me want to cry and rend my clothing.  And since I am a crazy person who reads too many blogs, and/or since you are not that person, I’ve undertaken the harrowing task of coming up with a top ten list.  A greatest hits album, if you will, of jaw-dropping facts.  And I say “jaw-dropping” because when I mentioned some of these in the gym locker room, the ladies stared at me like I was making them up.  Like they wanted desperately for me to say, “Oh, I’m just kidding, she’s a cupcake.”

She’s not a cupcake.  And she’s not a pitbull (lipsticked or otherwise).  She is, like we all are, the sum of our actions toward others.  Here are some of hers:

10. She used unofficial webmail accounts to conduct state business, thus avoiding having to disclose the contents of the messages and not adhering to that pesky, “all communications by public officials are public record,” thing.

9. When asked what newspapers and/or magazines she read regularly before she got scooped up by McCain to win the crucial bear vote, she was unable to name any specific sources, instead just citing, “most of them“.

8. She has asked for more federal dollars (aka earmarks — those things she and McCain claim to be against) than any other state per capita, including the ridiculous Bridge to Nowhere.

7. Palin doesn’t know of any other Supreme Court decision besides Roe v. Wade. (Or, to be fair, any other decision she “disagrees with”.) You’d think she would at least be able to disagree with Dred Scott v. Sanford without setting the world on fire.  But nope, silence.

6. When she was mayor of Wasilla, she built a $15 million dollar sports complex. But first, she failed to actually buy said land…so she built it anyway. And then tried to claim eminent domain and sued the actual landowner. And lost the lawsuit, costing the city $1.7 million dollars. For land that, had she actually purchased it in the first place, would have only cost $125,000. And this woman could be a 72-year-old heartbeat away from the Presidency.

5. Once she was elected mayor, she had a little chitchat with her local library for a refresher on how she could go about banning books. What particular books did she want to ban? Oh that’s right, she didn’t have a list. She just wanted to see if she could do it.

4. In defiance of the United States Supreme Court, Palin thinks that creationism should be taught in schools. The only condition under which I could be okay with this is if it’s followed by a mandatory semester of Pastafarianism.

3. Palin tried to use her influence as governor to get the Public Safety Commissioner to fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a state trooper. And when that didn’t work, she fired the Public Safety Commissioner. And then, once an independent investigation of said firing was formed, she demanded another investigation be formed, mostly to keep tabs on the, uh, independent investigation already happening. Glorious.

2. She thinks that being able to see Russia from an island in Alaska is an actual, legitimate type of foreign policy experience. Which is especially weird, considering she’s never even been to that island. My favorite part is how she tries to defend “I can see Russia from my house” via half-sentences and gibberish.

1. In Palin’s version of the world, if you’re a victim of rape or incest and you are impregnated by the assault…too bad, you’re having the baby. She claims she’d even stick to this if it were her own daughter. That actually makes it worse, somehow, that she’d be willing to force her kid through that.

If you didn’t feel like reading the list, if you’ve just scrolled through because you’re bored, or if nothing else has transformed Sarah Palin in your eyes from a tiny goddess into a terrifyingly unqualified, poor choice for the office of Vice President, then allow me to present:

The Fact About Sarah Palin That Makes Me Think She Is Actually A Bad Human Being

*. Residents of Wasilla, while Palin was mayor, were billed for their own sexual assault kits. That means if you were raped and you went to the hospital to have a kit done (to 1. provide some forensic evidence of the rape and 2. get medical treatment), you and/or your insurance company would be getting a bill. Because nothing says, “you were asking for it,” like behaving as if the sexual assault kit is a medical procedure you just happened to ask for. Like it’s an eye exam or something, instead of a criminal act.  Palin cannot really speak to this one way or the other, because if she approved it, she’s a monster, and if she didn’t approve it, then she’s a buffoon who didn’t know what her own state’s police department was doing.  That is some fine executive experience there, either way.

Coquette: “Touring Fatties!”

30 09 2008

Help us launch our first-ever tour!

In June of 2009, Big Moves Boston will launch its first ever six-Fringe, nine-city tour with an all new, two-woman show: Wide Load. But we can’t do it alone! We need help raising $4000 for the Fringe Festival entrance fees. We’re looking to collect $10 from 400 people…ten little dollars to help a big, BIG tour! If you like what you see, please donate!!

Nellie: “Reach Out and Retouch Someone”

15 09 2008

This morning, Coquette pointed me toward this article on Jezebel about the new 90210, and how the new cast is shockingly thin compared to the old cast.

Now, I’m all for size diversity. I’m a fatty, yes, but I’m not one to throw insults at or harbor any ill feelings toward skinny women, and I’m a firm believer that size-acceptance should apply to everyone. But when you compare the photos of the original 90210 series cast to that of the new series, it’s more than a little disturbing.

The new female cast members make Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty, and those other two look downright voluptuous. Considering we know that our favorite West Beverly High Schoolers were offered as perfect specimens the 90s beauty standard, and were therefore quite thin, the obvious shift in the beauty ideal over the last 15 years is truly astounding. What exactly will the standard be like 15 years from now? Will there be a backlash (yes, please?), or will Hollywood continue to shove ever-thinner and ever-more-airbrushed women into the spotlight until the “beauty ideal” is literally unattainable by anyone?

And is that so far off? When you take advances in retouching software and its widespread use in the publishing world into account, it matters very little what the original photo looks like. For example, check out another Jezebel article about the recent Redbook/Faith Hill debacle, in which the editors had poor Faith Photoshopped within an inch of her life in order to make her look younger and thinner. All of this for a picture that was already beautiful.    

So getting back to 90210, just think – even the very tiny new cast members’ photos have been airbrushed, which makes me think about all the young girls out there who are constantly beating themselves up because they don’t look like AnnaLynne McCord. This prompts me to fly into a rage coma, because even AnnaLynne McCord doesn’t look like AnnaLynne McCord. And then I become very concerned, or possibly vaguely horrified, about where things are headed.

Marina: “Queen For A Day 2”

4 09 2008

(September 4, 2008 – Boston)

In Boston, Big Moves does two big shows a year, spring and fall. We take over a decent-sized theater (the Cambridge Family YMCA Theatre is our unofficial home), we knock out the crazy lights, put out the sandwich boards, and throw a full out production. But there’s a lot of energy left bouncing around in the company, and when that stuff is just boiling over… we put on a bar show: low-budget, high-volume, full-out rock style.

Our second annual Queen for a Day show was a perfect example of the breed. The gimmick? All Queen music. Big Moves’ burlesque project Thick represented with animatronic sex dolls and a socially inept geek getting down to Body Language, while our Caravan of Curves bellydancers Alhena and Alizah Afet tore up the stage to Mustapha, and a sword-and-plaid swirl of hotness set to Princes of the Universe. Guest artists Babes in Boinkland and Johnny Blazes gave us additional burlesque hotness (thank you, Johnny, I will never look at Olympic gymnastics the same way again), and our favorite fat Asian drag queen Becca d’Bus stunned us all with her usual glam-trash handling of the crowd (“yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the last Queen for a Day… of the Bush administration!”).

Our favorite all-girl Queen tribute band, Gunpowder Gelatine, slammed out the second half of the show in their usual inimitable magnetic style; by the last two songs, the crowd was pressed up against the stage at Church nightclub, singing and bouncing along. Birthday cupcakes at midnight, of course, and shots were shared around, and folks, that boat was well and fully launched. If you’re in the Boston area, mark your calendar for September 5, 2009, because there’s no question that Queen for a Day is now an official Big Moves holiday.

Coquette: “I Am A Ballerina Sometimes”

3 09 2008

So I needed some dance tights. And then there was a sale at And…well…

(No comments on how I need to windex my mirror. It ALWAYS looks like that, no matter how much I clean it. It vexes me.) So since it was uh, non-ideal, I tried using my other mirror:


I am throwing so much ‘tude, it’s unstoppable:

I tried covering the flash with my finger, because I couldn’t figure out how to turn it off. Instead…GLOWING. FINGER. OF. DOOM.

It will destroy you.

Then I figured it was time to take some slutty MySpace profile photos of myself, but I looked so angry!

And then I messed something up and accidentally caught my “whoops, nerdo idiot self” face on camera:

And THEN, Teddy (A KAT I OWNZ) tried to climb up my skirt and chew on the ties of it. While it was on me. And I ended up with this, the greatest photo I or anyone else have ever taken: